my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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