When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize