I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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