Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize