my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
3pm strippers are depressing
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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