i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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