Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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