wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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