I wish I only lived at night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize