i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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