I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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