True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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