I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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