1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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