Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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