i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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