So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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