I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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