Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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