I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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