i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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