listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize