i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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