you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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