I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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