talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize