Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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