Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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