Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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