i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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