Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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