I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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