Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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