after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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