I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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