So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize