I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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