Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize