I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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