Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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