The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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