i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
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Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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