we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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