I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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