I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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