is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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