My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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