My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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