Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize