i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
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Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
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