she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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